I haven’t made a post in days. I promised myself I would blog more this year, but I’m totally sucking at it. I don’t really have a set topic to write about, so I’ll just write about what I’m feeling right now, a sort of stream of consciousness, but edited a bit to keep this blog pg-13 and to keep my reputation intact (as if).
It’s almost midnight and I’m listening to “400 Lux” by Lorde. A couple of years ago I played this song on repeat while writing a book about a girl dealing with anxiety and a boy struggling to keep up with all the work at school. It was a very personal book for me and, maybe it’s hopeful thinking, but I believe this book is going places.
I live in California and it’s summer, so I’m trying not to melt into a puddle of sweat. Although it rained today, which weird. But I liked it because I could make myself a cup of hot coffee, put on an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians, and pretend it’s fall.
I’ve been thinking a lot about loneliness. I’ve been thinking a lot about pain and happiness. It’s hit me recently that everything is temporary, which can be seen as both a curse and a blessing.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the future and it terrifies me. I’ve been thinking a lot about the future and it excites me.
I want to move to San Francisco and rent an apartment with someone I love. I want to have cats named after literary characters. I want to paint the whole place a soft pink and buy lots of pillows and drink lots of coffee. I want to go to a used book shop and drink in the smell of things old. I want to go to the beach at night. I want to buy a ton of sweaters and wear all of them. I want to sleep in on a Saturday and spend the rest of the day reading good books. I want to be happy.
I should add more pictures on here.
I wish I was good at the thngs I love.
Tomorrow the retrograde ends. I’m hoping for good things. Not only for me, but for all of you too. Sorry for the scattered thoughts. I promise I’ll write something a bit more coherent soon! I’ll probably go watch Orphan Black right now and go to sleep at two in the morning. We’ll see.